


A Beautiful Tragedy

by lottielovebuzz



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 2014!Cas, 2014!Dean, Alternate Universe - Croatoan/Endverse, Episode: s05e04 The End, M/M, Mpreg, end!cas - Freeform, end!dean - Freeform, pregnant!cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-03
Updated: 2014-03-03
Packaged: 2018-01-14 11:34:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1264972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lottielovebuzz/pseuds/lottielovebuzz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Camp Chitaqua is definitely not a place to raise a child; Croats come from every angle and they’re never sure when they’re going to get their next meal, as they have no idea when they’ll manage a supply run. Despite it, when Cas falls pregnant with Dean’s baby, he’s determined to bring it into the world, even though the other women and children haven’t survived it. He’s sure he can do it with Dean by his side, but he never really stopped to think whether Dean was actually on his side to begin with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Beautiful Tragedy

**Author's Note:**

> originally written in six parts on tumblr.

He stares at the pregnancy test that he holds in his hands. The whole world has gone to hell, so it's not exactly difficult to pick one up. Dangerous, yes, but difficult and dangerous don't often go hand in hand these days.

Not to mention, he's risked his life so many fucking times to get the drugs that'll get him high. He's been punched and kicked and left bleeding by Dean for risking his life for narcotics, but he can't help it. What use was he now? An angel with no wings? A stupid, useless,  _weak_ ex-angel of the Lord; he needed  _something_ to get him by, and those things just turned out to be painkillers and alcohol and sex.

Dean's long gave up trying to stop him now; after the time he left Cas with a broken nose for nearly getting killed by a Croat one time, he just gave up on him.

Not so much that he still didn't come into his room, press into him and tell him he loved him in the only moment of weakness that he allows himself, but enough that he just stopped trying to get Cas to care for himself more. Not even once they were fucked-out, blissfully exhausted and finally, really  _talked;_ not even then did he try to decipher Cas, try to understand him and help him.

Now their arrangement is mostly sex and the occasional broken "I love you" and even rarer "I'm sorry" whispered in darkness, just before one of them reaches their orgasm.

But that's going to be shot to fucking hell now. Things were starting to shift inside him, he could sense and fell tiny changes about himself, and just out of curiosity, he lifted the test the last time they went on their errands for some utensils.

There are two lines staring back at him, and according to the packaging, that means it's "positive". Holy shit… that means he's  _pregnant_.

He knows that it's Dean's. Not because he's the only guy that he lets fuck him, but because he's the only guy that he lets go  _bareback_ whilst they fuck. The other men at Camp Chitaqua were good, most of them anyways, but there was something just too personal to let them go bareback.

Now he's literally fucked because he let Dean fuck him without a fucking condom.

He lets out a shout and throws the damn pregnancy stick away from him, standing from his bed where he had fell when he saw the two lines not five minutes ago. He wants to kick something, wants to punch the wall until his knuckles bleed, he wants to hurt and be hurt in return, but before he can do anything, he remembers just what he threw away; just what that means.

There's a  _baby_ growing inside him. He's fucking pregnant and he's here thinking about getting into a bloody fight with the father of the child - of course it'd have to be Dean. Dean's the only one who'd actually fight him. The others were too afraid of doing it, in fear of receiving the wrath of their leader if he had to see them hurting his favourite ex-angel; his favourite  _person,_ in fact.

All rage leaves his system as his hands drop to his stomach. There's nothing there; no bump to prove it, no kicking in answer to his touch, but there's  _something_ in there nonetheless. His long fingers move to the hem of his shirt, pulling it up before tucking it under his chin to keep it away from him as his hands return to his stomach. They run over his sharp hipbones, over the small trail of hair that dips below his pants, just softly caressing the thin layer of skin that will protect his unborn child.

A small, hesitant smile tugs at his lips, and he faintly registers that it's the first  _genuine_ smile he's given in  _years_. Well, the first genuine smile that wasn't in the dark with Dean buried inside him, telling him how beautiful he looked and that he would always be his guardian angel, no matter if his wings have disappeared completely.

However, it falls off his face when the man in question suddenly appears in front of him. Cas' slowly lifts his head, letting his shirt fall back over his stomach, even though it doesn't cover him as his hands are still attached firmly it.

'Am I interrupting something?' Dean grunts, and Cas help but miss the time when his voice was just a tad softer; when his hair was just a hint brighter; when his skin still held that beautiful  _glow._

Cas' hands fall limply by his side and he shrugs. 'Not particularly.' He replies, as he moves over to pick up the pregnancy test that he had thrown away. Thankfully the screen is still in tact and the two lines are still there; it was probably prepared for a reaction like his, to be honest. He gives it a small wipe down with his thumb, before he throws it to Dean, who catches it easily and regards it with a frown.

'I just found out I'm pregnant, though.'

He hears Dean choke, whether on air or his own saliva, he can't be sure. He is sure it's because of the shock of that statement, however, but how could he not be? Pregnancy in this world was never a good thing - nine times out of ten, it was your death sentence.

Croats coming from every angle, little to no food for weeks at a time. It was hell for any of their women survivors who ended up falling pregnant. The majority of the babies died before they reached their first birthday, any who managed to survive that usually never made it into double-digits. They also lost one or two mothers as well, when complications arose and they could do nothing for them.

The night the first mother and child died was the first night that Cas overdosed, unable to deal with the sight seared into his mind, and the fact that he couldn't help like he normally could.

'Are you sure?'

'Pretty certain.' Cas retorts as he stretches his arms behind him, his shoulders popping and cracking with the movement.

'And is it…?'

'Yours? Yes.'

'How can you be sure?' Dean asks, as he finally looks up from the pregnancy test and looks towards his fallen angel. He wants to believe… wants to think there is some light in all this darkness, but it is hard. They aren't exactly monogamous, on either side. Dean sleeps with all the women in the camp, Cas sleeps with the women and men. He wouldn't be surprised if it is someone else's, but Cas seems to be pretty certain.

'Well, seeing as your the only one that comes inside me, I'm pretty fucking sure, Dean.' Cas snaps, turning around to look at Dean for the first time since he entered the cabin. His blue eyes are narrowed, his back rigid and straight, but there's something hidden in the depths of those deep blue eyes that give him away; show Dean what he's really feeling.

'You're gonna be okay, Cas.' Dean mutters as he takes a step closer to Cas. When the fallen angel doesn't move away, he takes another step until he's standing directly in front of his best friend; his second in command.

Cas scoffs, 'Tell that to all the other people that gave birth and died; tell that to the babies that didn't even make it -'

'Cas, that's not gonna happen to you.'

'What makes me any different. I'm  _human_ now, Dean. I bleed; I hurt; I  _break_ ; I'll die. You broke my nose and I was hurting for two fucking weeks! The bruises didn't fade for a month! I'm weak and useless.' Cas trails off with a sarcastic chuckle.

He goes to move away, but Dean's hands come up and cup his face; large, calloused fingers framing Cas' face as Dean moves closer to him, his eyes fierce and narrowed.

'You are  _not_ useless, Cas. How many fucking times do I have to tell you that?' Dean snaps, moving Cas' face so that he's looking Dean in the eye. Blue clash with green and Dean bites his lower lip when he sees the traces of worry in Cas' eyes. There's no doubt that it'd be easy to miss if he didn't know Cas, but he does, he can read him like a book; has known him for so long that there are times he believe he knows Cas more than Cas knows himself.

Dean opens his mouth to continue, to say something to hopefully ease the look in Cas' eyes, when another voice comes instead.

'Dean!' Someone shouts, probably standing at the foot of the steps that leads to Cas' cabin, knowing better than to just walk in when their leader is talking with his fallen angel. 'We're ready to go!'

Dean rubs his thumbs over Cas' cheekbones, before he leans in a presses a kiss against Cas' lips. It's the first time since the world went to hell that their kiss has been so soft and gentle, and not just some kind of foreplay before they fuck.

'Everything's gonna be fine, Cas,' Dean mutters when he pulls back.

'Dean!' The voice comes again, sounding even more impatient and Dean rolls his eyes.

'I'm coming!' Dean retorts, and Cas chuckles at the sudden gruffness in his voice, as he changes from the gentle soul Cas knows him as, to the fearless leader that everyone else thinks he is.

'I'll be back soon, Cas. We'll talk more then.' Dean declares, pressing another brief kiss against Cas' lips, before he turns and walks out of the cabin.

And when Cas sits down and rests his hand against his stomach once more, he realises that Dean took the pregnancy test with him.

~oOoOoOoOoOo~

By the time that Cas falls into bed, one hand still placed gingerly over his stomach as he drifts of to sleep, Dean still hasn't returned from the latest food and supply run. He knows they take time, sometimes problems arise with the Croats that lead the them having to hide, not able to return back to camp until the next day.

It always worried him. Even when things were different, and he was just  _Dean_  - his fearless leader that sneaked into his cabin at nights - even then, the very idea of Dean going out on a supply run and not coming back was enough to give Cas sleepless nights.

And now it's a million times worse, because he's not just his leader and his lover, he's the father of the child growing inside him. He  _needs_ Dean to survive if he's going to keep this child alive; he knows he won't manage without Dean at his side.

He's scared. He knows that; it's weird for him to admit it. He's a fucking ex-Angel of the Lord. He used to strike fear into the heart of men. He was full of holy wrath that sent humans, Demons and other Angels alike running for the hills.

Now, here he was, a broken shell of what he used to be, openly admitting to being afraid of what's going to happen to him; openly admitting to relying on Dean. He needs Dean to come back, needs Dean to tell him that everything is going to be okay; just like he did before.

He groans and rolls over onto his side, punching his pillow into a comfier position, before he manages to drift off to sleep once more, hoping that by the time he wakes up, Dean will be back.

~oOoOoOoOoOo~

'Cas,' a voice whispers, followed by a gentle shake of his shoulder. Cas groans, shaking his head and burying deeper into the warmth of the covers. The voice sighs, hand moving to grasp the quilt that's tucked under Cas' chin. It tugs. 'Cas, wake up, c'mon. We need to  _talk,_  babe.'

"Babe"? There's only one person who's ever called him that, and even then, it was on the rarest occasions.

'Dean?' He murmurs into his pillow, hands that had been fighting to keep the covers wrapped around his body loosening their hold on the edge of his sheets. He hears Dean chuckle, confirming that it is him, and that's when Cas finally cracks open his eyes.

Blue eyes that are still hazy with sleep meet familiar green ones, and with a fond smile growing on his face, Cas pulls himself up to a sitting position, before he reaches out until he finds Dean's fingers and laces them with his own. He's back from his run alive, and he's calling Cas "babe" again, of  _course_ he's going to hold his hand, despite how too tender the moment probably is for Dean.

But to his surprise, Dean's finger glide through the spaces of Cas' easily, and with a gentle squeeze and a soft smile, Dean repeats, 'We need to talk.'

Cas shakes his head, because it's too early for talking. Who walks into someone's cabin and wakes them up just to  _talk_? Dean Winchester apparently, which is already a million shades of wrong, because Dean Winchester hides from talking feelings; would rather run headfirst into a crowd of Croats than sit down and tell anyone what he was really thinking.

'Do we need to? The bed's comfy and you're just back from a dangerous supply run, and deserve some congratulatory, welcome home sex for that.'

Dean scoffs with laugher, shaking his head with a fondness that Cas hasn't seen for a long time.

'If only the past you that got us thrown out of a brothel for your lack of game could see you now.' Dean chuckles again. 'Remember when you used to be nothing more than a scared little virgin?'

'I was also an Angel of the Lord then.' Cas retorts, eyes narrowing slightly. Why the sudden talk of the past? They had an unspoken agreement to never talk about what was because it was too painful. Too many "should have beens" and "would have beens" and not nearly enough turning out that way. It was hard for both of them; Cas should still be an Angel; Dean and him should have a healthy relationship; Dean and Sam should still be talking.

Why was he suddenly interested in reminiscing?

'Dean? What is it?'

Dean's fingers tighten almost painfully around his, and it's just another reminder of how  _weak_ Cas has gotten, but he puts it from his mind, because Dean is clearly hurting and he needs to know why; needs to know what's suddenly got him acting like this.

Especially when he was so happy about the possibility of a new and bright future before he left for the run.

Dean takes a deep breath in, followed by an equally large exhale.

And the words that follow have Cas' hand automatically reaching for his belly, as if to shield it.

'I've found the Colt, and I've got the location of the Devil.'

Cas stares at Dean, blue eyes locked on green for a long, unblinking time. Then he seems to thaw, seems to realise just what Dean had said, and he blinks, his mouth falling open and he finally pulls himself into a sitting position.

'What?' He questions, his voice low and rough, more than normal and he sees Dean close his eyes briefly, his lips purse after Cas asks the question.

'The Devil. I've found him. And I've got the Colt. That's what tonight was. It wasn't a supply run. I went to find the Colt. And I got it.' Dean explains and his hand finds Cas', the one that still rests by his side, the other resting on his stomach. 'We can put an end to this Cas; make the pain go away.'

There's so much that Cas wants to ask. Put an end to what? What pain? So you're just going to kill Sam? But there's one that sticks out more than that, more than wondering how Dean plans on putting a bullet in his brother's head in an attempt to "end it all".

'How did you get this information? The last time I checked, the Demons had the Colt, Dean. They wouldn't just give up that information willingly.' Cas states and Dean's eyes close once more, and it all clicks in his mind. He pulls his hand out from under Dean's, shaking his head as he stands from the bed, both hands moving to cover his stomach. 'You've been torturing again, haven't you?'

Dean's head shoots up and his eyes meet Cas' a second later, he looks like he's going to deny it; looks like he's going to start fighting and telling Cas that of course he wasn't torturing again, what kind of question is that? But after meeting Cas' eyes, he seems to realise just how pointless that would be; Dean can read Cas like a book, yes, but it works both ways.

'I don't believe it.' Cas whispers and he shakes his head, a scoff breaking free from his lips as he wraps his arms around his middle. 'You didn't fucking tell me?'

Dean shakes his head once.

'Why the fuck not? You're the one that comes crawling to my cabin night after night, telling me you're sorry and that you love me; you're the one that seeks me out, Dean, time after time, even when you say it'll never happen again. And this is the reason? Because you're guilty?'

'No, Cas, I-' Dean starts, standing as well because this isn't going at all like he thought. He thought Cas was just as tired and sick of it all as he was. How was he supposed to know that Cas would react this way?

Oh yeah, that's why, he's supposed to know him better than he knows himself.

'And you know we'd never survive a confrontation with the Devil! You may be able to get one over on him, but you wouldn't make it out of there alive;  _neither_ of us would, and what about the baby? You said you were  _happy_ about that!'

'I am! Cas, you have no idea-'

'Then why the hell are you trying to kill her? Or me? Or yourself? Clearly it doesn't mean as much to you as you say.' Cas reaches up with his fingers, brushing them under his eyes and wiping away the tears before they have a chance to fall. God this whole humanity malarky is a pain in the ass. Nearly five years as a human, and he still doesn't understand the emotions; the  _feelings_ ; still can't control them.

'Cas, you don't understand, this isn't going the way I wanted,' Dean trails off at the end, muttering under his breath because of all the ways he planned this conversation to go, this definitely wasn't one of them! 'You've got to understand, I just thought you'd want to put an end to all of this; get revenge.'

Cas laughs, a hollow sound as his hands return to their previous place around his midsection. 'I'm done with revenge. I never cared about that; that was a Winchester trait, Dean.'

Cas shakes his head, trailing his eyes away from Dean for a moment, and when he raises them, there's something different there, Dean can see that. There's a stoniness, he's closed himself off and Cas is freaking brilliant at doing that.

'If you want to go and sign your death warrant by trying to kill the Devil, you can, but I'm not risking the life of  _our_ baby, to put your guilty mind at ease. There's a bigger picture; there's always a bigger picture and you can never realise that.'

And with those words, Cas turns and leaves his cabin, ignoring all of Dean's shouts, and when Dean realises Cas isn't for turning and coming back, not this time, he sits down on the edge of the bed where he's spent so many nights, and buries his head in his hands.

'God you're such a screwup.'

~oOoOoOoOoOo~

It doesn't take long before Dean decides he's not going to let Cas storm out on him like that; for him to get his ass off Cas' bed - _their_ bed, really - and start storming around Camp Chitaqua looking for his damn ex-Angel of the Lord. 

He's been searching for maybe five minutes, when he suddenly remembers just where Cas would go at a time like this, and he almost kicks himself for being so stupid and not thinking about it earlier. He turns the second the thought enters his mind, starting to run as he heads through the Camp, dodging the remants of their old life as he rushes to find Cas. 

He slows down and stops the second he sees Cas, sitting on a rock by the lake where they get most of their water now. He knows why Cas came here… it was where they were the first night they fucked. Sure before then there had been a drunken kiss or two, as well as some shameless grinding but they had never actually gone as far until that night. 

After that, this spot by the lake turned into _their_ spot. No-one else dared come here, in fear of encountering their leader and his Angel. The sight and location just wasn't worth it. 

Dean takes a deep breath, trying his hardest not to exhale too loudly and startle Cas. He learnt very early on that Cas is a faster runner than him, and he's not pregnant or big enough for that to change. He doesn't need Cas running away on him and it being impossible for him to catch up or make him stop. 

He gnaws on his lower lip as he reaches into the inside pocket of his jacket, grabbing ahold of the butt of the Colt, pulling it free and he holds it in both of his hands. It feels heavier than he remembered. Then again, that could just be from Cas' words about the gun.

He's still not sure why he thought Cas just wanted things to be over like he did. He thought they were both tired; thought that the drugs was Cas' way of trying to end it. Hell, Dean can remember the time he burst Cas' lip and nose, and gave him a black eye the first time he overdosed. 

Dean takes another deep breath before he moves forward, cringing when his feet scuff and thud against the gravel. Thankfully, Cas doesn't move to run away, though his shoulders do stiffen and as Dean comes around to sit on the rock beside him, he notices that Cas' eyes are clenched tightly shut. 

He sighs when Cas still hasn't opened his eyes and looked at him, or even acknowledged him. 

'Is this really the kind of place you want to raise a kid, Cas? Croats running around, not knowing when our next meal will be, whether we'll survive to see the next day? Is that how you want to raise her?' Dean questions, and Cas' eyes finally open, but they don't turn to look at Dean, instead they fix on the dark blue surface of the lake, that softly ripples with the wind. Neither of them think about how they've silently agreed to hope that it's going to be a girl.

He hears Cas scoff, and when he turns his head, there's crinkles at the edge of Cas' blue eyes from the humourless smile on his lips.

'It's _our_ child, Dean. It's a part of you and a part of me,' he explains, and Dean doesn't miss that he put "a part of you" first. 'I would rather bring it into this fucked up world, than not bring it into the world at all.' 

His words, his reasoning strikes something within Dean, and he finds himself looking down at the gun ashamed. He's always wanted kids. That was just something he wanted and thought he'd never get. Even more so, he never thought he'd get to have them with the person he loved. 

But now he had, and he was determined to throw it away? How could he even think about barging in and facing the Devil? Let himself be _killed_ just to stop the feelings, when he finally has something to _live_ for?

He shakes his head, closing his eyes as he lets a scoff break free from his lips, and he feels Cas' eyes on him, but he can't lift his head and look at him just yet. How can he look at the man he was ready to kill? How can he look at the man that's carrying his child - the child that he's apparently not ready to live for? 

His eyes stay on the gun, tracing each line and curve of the body. He spent the past four years searching for this damn thing, looking for a way to kill the Devil and put an end to it. And now it's here, but he's got the chance to get something else out of future. Something that isn't as bloody and destructive as it is now.

'You really mean that, Cas?' He asks instead of saying all that he really wants to say. 

'Of course I do.' Cas replies and Dean nods softly, his eyes finally flickering up to gaze at Cas, and when he's sure he has Cas' attention, he lifts his arm that still holds the Colt, and with a loud grunt, he hurls it into the depths of the lake, watching as it causes a loud splash as it distrups the surface of the rather peaceful lake.

'You just threw away your only chance of killing the Devil.' Cas mutters, but he doesn't sound as worried or annoyed as he tried to. He's just happy about what this could mean. Maybe Dean's finally picking Castiel for once. 

'Yeah, but if you want to do this, I want to be by your side. I'm not going to fuck this up, Cas.' Dean explains before he raises his arm, wrapping it around Cas' shoulder and pulls him closer, tucking him into his side and he can't help the smile that pulls on his lips as Cas rests his head on his shoulder, after Dean places a kiss to his temple.

~oOoOoOoOoOo~

Before they know where they are, a full year has passed Dean and Castiel by. Not that they were that concerned about the time passing, or felt the need to mark it down or count it out; there was evidence enough in Cas himself. 

If Dean ever said it was easy to just give up the hunt for the Devil; the desire to put an end to it all, he'd definitely be lying, but seeing Cas smile - really fucking smile - for the first time since he fell was worth it. And seeing him grow, seeing his stomach expand and change to accommodate the baby - _their_ baby - was worth staying around for.

Sure, there was once or twice when him and Cas got into some stupid argument about something ridiculous, but that was just the people they were now. It never lasted long; it never made any of them leave their cabin, and it always ended in them fucking on the bed, so neither of them complained. After all, angry sex that turned into makeup sex was their favourite kind anyway. 

However, Cas soon got too big to even tie his own boots, let alone accompany them on supply runs, and that wasn't easy on either of them. Dean was too afraid that Croats would infiltrate the camp and Cas wouldn't be able to defend himself, and Cas was too scared of Dean being ambushed and not coming back to him. Those reunions also led to them fucking in their cabin. 

But despite it all, despite the fights and the worry, a year managed to pass and neither of them cared or noticed, like they did before. It was easy to forget the fact they survived in the fucked up world for another year when looking into the big green eyes of baby Mary, which is what Cas was doing right that second, trying to ease the worry eating away at him.

'He's going to be okay, Mary, of course he is. Your daddy's the Righteous Man, he's going to be fine.' Cas mutters as he rubs a soothing circle on Mary's back, even though it soothes him more than it soothes the baby. He bounces on the balls of his feet, having found out rather early on that Mary didn't like pacing unless she was being bobbed whilst he was pacing. Even though it no longer counted as pacing in Cas' eyes, it was still enough movement to kind of distract him. 

He moves forward, pressing his lips against the dark, black locks of his daughter, inhaling the scent of her soft skin in order to soothe himself a little more, and though it normally works, it just doesn't settle him tonight. 

Dean had went away on a supply run three days ago, the team came back two days ago. Without him. They told Cas they got ambushed and they lost track of Dean as they fought their way out of there, and they did what they had always said; head back to Camp Chitaqua, no matter who falls behind. 

Now it was the third day and Dean still hadn't made an appearance and Cas can't settle; he can't remember sleeping since that night, he can't remember eating either. He can remember holding Mary for a long time, however, smiling about the fact she inherited Dean's eyes instead of Jimmy Novak's blue ones. 

_Something to remember him by_ , he thinks, before he shakes his head, coughing back a sob as he pulls Mary away in order to look into those eyes again. 

When he sees them closed shut, he sighs and walks her back over to her crib, setting her down softly and tucking the blanket around her, making sure she's comfortable. How he wishes he could have a mind like that; be so young and innocent and unaware that he wouldn't even notice Dean had been missing. To just go about his day without feeling like a part of him had disappeared. 

He reaches out and trails a calloused finger down the soft curve of her nose, before he presses a kiss to her forehead once more and turns, deciding to let her sleep in peace. He heads back over to the bed, falling against the squeaky mattress with a grimace. He pauses and when he doesn't hear Mary cry, he sighs in relief and turns his head, looking over to his nightstand. 

Cas bites his lower lip, gnawing the soft flesh with his teeth as he reaches out with his hand, pulling the drawer open and pulling out the small bottle of pills. Sure, Dean thought he had stopped, and he had, especially when he was pregnant with Mary, and just seeing her was enough to give him strength not to take anymore. Her face and smell and that chubby smile of hers was a better high than the Vicodin could ever give him. 

But now, now it was too much. He needed to not feel. He didn't want to feel happiness or sadness or guilt or worry, he just wanted to feel _nothing_. 

Before he can even get the lid off, however, he hears Mary sigh softly in her sleep and he turns his head, seeing her face through the bars of her crib, and he realises he can't do it. He can't throw his life away and go down that route again, especially when he has someone who depends on him so much now. 

Biting back his pained cry, he throws the bottle of pills to the ground, wishing he could hurl it against the wall, wishing he could scream until his lungs gave out.

Instead, he throws a hand over his face, digging his nails into the flesh that they reach and prays to his father for the first time in years; prays to God, even though he knows he's not there and not listening, to bring Dean back. 

'Cas!' 

He pulls his hand away from his face and frowns. That… that sounded very much like…

'Cas!' 

He bolts upright and before he knows what he's doing, he launches himself off the bed, running to the door and throwing it open.

All the air in his lungs is knocked from him when he sees Dean stumbling towards the cabin; towards him, and Cas decides that he's moving far too slowly for his liking. He jumps the stairs, missing all four of them because that would take up time that he didn't have, and runs towards Dean, wrapping his arms around his neck the second he can, pulling his friend as close as possible.

Dean's hands are around him in an instant as well, and the sound of Dean's breathy laugh has never sounded so perfect and brilliant before, and it's all Cas can do to pull back and press his lips against Dean's, pressing all his worry and relief into that one kiss. 

'Yeah, I missed you too, babe.' Dean murmurs when they pull apart, and his hand comes up to card through Cas' hair. 'And my little Mary baby, is she asleep?' 

Cas nods his head, letting Dean disentangle himself from his embrace in order to go back to the cabin to give Mary a kiss on her head. 

But when Cas follows him in a minute later, he walks up to him, wrapping his arms around Dean's middle and pressing his chest against Dean's back, leaning up to whisper into his ear, 'Don't ever do that again, Winchester.' 

He can feel Dean shake against him with silent laughter, but when he turns in his arms, there's no hint of laughter on his face as he raises his hand to cross his heart. Cas just rolls his eyes before leaning up to kiss him once more and lets Dean walk him back to the bed. 

And as Dean impatiently pulls Cas' clothes off, Cas knows deep down that this won't be the last time there's a scare like this; knows there will probably come a time that Dean doesn't come back at all, but for now, he has the man he loves and his beautiful daughter, and that's all he needs.  

**Author's Note:**

> enjoying this fic?? I'd love you forever if you bought me a coffee!! ko-fi.com/cahwrites


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